Writing in Reality
by K31
Summary: Eriol weaves a tale & Kinomoto-tachi live it out. But is the tale hitting a little too close to home? (Each chapter presents a new tale, so be prepared for variety)
1. Adoration vs Affection

To start off, I have to let this out of my chest first: I don't read fics, much less write them. The only times I read them are when I know the author personally, or if I am in dire need of inspiration. Well, there's a third reason now: for my tomodachi, koneko (seiyumi). So seiyumi-chan, if you're reading this, this one's for you!

Escribir en Realidad (Writing in Reality)

By: K3

Disclaimers: DUH! If you haven't read it a million times yet- CCS IS OWNED BY CLAMP. Kapeesh? I'm not repeating that EVER again. Romantic Mood from reading Ia's fics (actually, a few lines too ^_^). Ideas from my brain. Motivation: seiyumi, esca & yua music (& that scene from the Sleeping Beauty play they did). Inspiration: everything I just said (& you guys too).

* * *

PROLOUGE

If all dark envisions were bad dreams, then he was in a nightmare. It had started out with Terada-sensei announcing the Tomoeda Elementary Class Play. As usual, Tomoyo was in charge of the costumes, unless they find themselves understaffed. Students of Seijou High were contributing as well, so the play could be as wild & as extravagant as they wanted it to be. Eriol was only supposed to help in the writing, while Nakuru would produce and direct. But alas, she had found out that the rehearsals coincided with Touya's new soccer practice schedule. Thus, she abandoned the play, and Kinomoto-tachi as well. It was 'bye-bye play!', or so they thought…

He lifted his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He twirled the pencil around with his right hand, now his left. He scratched his head. It wasn't helping. Eriol was a good writer, everyone knew that, but now he had more responsibilities. He was to direct, produce, and cast as well. It wasn't like a great piece suddenly flows from pencil to paper; he needed ideas. He looked down on his lap. His murky azure pants greeted him back. He looked to his left, the door was not as courteous. To the right, a blank wall. He looked up to the ceiling hopelessly. He remembered that Sakura often did this, if not looking out her window. Sakura? That's an idea… and he scribbled on the defenseless paper as though his weapon of lead was to run out the moment he stopped writing.

* * *

Chapter 1: Adoration vs. Affection

_"Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love"_

The time had come. She put her sacred foot down, aware that today was considered blessed, for she was to bestow the mortals the gift of her presence. Each step she took seemed to be recorded in time, a keepsake for all eternity. In spite of all the excitement, she remained calm. Her mind as blank as her jade green eyes, her hands were wrought with the chain of serenity. The air around her seemed to envelope the emotion, sending fear through the nerves of the more sensitive deities.

"Goddess Sakura, bless this meager town with your console. Save us from the evil King Yama who intends to impound us in his wrath. We ask for your help, oh beloved Goddess." The priest had spoken. Sakura knew it was time to face them, give them strength, illusion them with dreams and hopes, and in the end abandon them-- for a goddess was forbidden to intervene with humans.

Her eyes opened, instantly guided by fate to face an auburn pair full of fire & life. She was stricken. She took a step back, towards the thin line that separated Gods from mortals, fearing the emotion that seemed foreign to her. She put her hand to her heart, it was beating too fast. And yet the poor organ could not match the speed of the thoughts that raced through her head. Who was he to enter such a personal zone of the goddess' feelings?

"Goddess Sakura, why have you chosen not to show yourself? Do we lack in our offerings? Do we not pray intently enough?"

_I see. He is my priest._ The notion convinced her heart & mind to be still. At least, for a while. She lifted her hand, fingers carefully prying the small barrier of vision between the two types of beings. Lest, his fingers were to head there as well. At once, she felt the sensation again. Not fearing it this time, but longing for more. _This sentiment is too dangerous, I must take caution._

"Heck it, priest! You keep claiming that Goddess Sakura exists, and that she will help us prevail in the end-- but look!" a misbelieving priestess countered, hands holding her belly from laughter, "she isn't there!"

"Silence, Meiling!" the priest commanded, letting his staff hit the ground with an ominous sound that sent chills up the goddess' spine. She is here, I feel it. And even if she is not," he dropped his head, tone lowering as well, "that does not give you the right to disrespect her."

_He stood up for me, someone who did not care to present herself before, on the other times he had called on me when he truly needed me. I had heard his voice before, screaming my name though nothing was audible. A voice meant only for my ears, and yet I have failed him too many times…_ the goddess was overwhelmed with the unknown zeal, nearly forgetting what was to be her actions.

"I am here."

He turned around, face full of unexplained emotions, expressing surprise, awe, gratitude, and… "You have come, dear Goddess! My petty life's wish has been granted, even if only to hear your voice." He kneeled before her, chestnut hair grazing his ears. An enduring smile plastered on his face, as if he had been chosen to be an immortal as well.

"Yes," she had chosen to hide herself, dreading that the outlandish passion would burst out of her body any moment. She stood still & lifeless, the complete opposite of her exploding insides, mind & body confused what to do next. The former was to say, _Fear not dear priest, I shall not let harm come your way._ The latter, in an impulsive notion, wished to bravely step out and feed on the exotic passion directly from the source. Her lips, to the gods' favor, chose the former.

* * *

"LIIIIIIIII-SSSSSAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA!" It was night, and it was Meiling again. "You are _such_ a superb priest! Wai~ When I heard the goddess speak, it was like whoo—"

I allowed my thoughts to overpower her chatter. Indeed, I am a great priest. No one could rival my abilities, not even Meiling, for she never dares to contest my talents. Well, maybe for the exception of that silver-haired pastor from the north, but I don't give him much thought…

"Anyway, I really liked her voice. It was sooooooooooooooooooo gentle & sweet! More than I have ever imagined a goddess' voice t-- Li-sama? Are you listening?"

"Mrrm…"

She was right. The goddess sounded gentle & sweet, _too_ gentle & sweet in fact. _Like the twinkling of small silver bells welcoming a bride_. It was almost like she was a prisoner to some empathy, some unknown deity stronger than any force. She sounded almost helpless, a thousand messages within the few sentences she spoke.  Or maybe I just had been expecting too much. All my life, from the time I found the destiny I had to live out, as the priest of a mysterious immortal, I had always expected Goddess Sakura to be… well, fierce and powerful. An entity as strong as the strike of lightning, as satirical as the blade of a sword, as harsh & rabid as the wrath of an angry Zeus- all canned into an undying body. That's why I had always called on her. Asked for her strength when I lost everything I thought I had. My home, my family, my closest of friends. Even my sanity. Even myself. Maybe the reason she never aided me was because she knew it was the only way to make me stronger, to be who I am now. Bah. Vigor is of no use against the splendor of a flower, like a goddess'.

"Ne… you're not really listening, are you?" Meiling pouted. "Oh, look!"

Her slight triviality mood quickly lifted, her mouth hung open speechless. I turned to see why. _Now_ I know why. It was a tree shedding its blossoms, an awe-striking beauty capable of silencing a force beyond even _my_ powers. The rich and full petals twirled with the breeze, gracefully landing on the path we were walking on. A pair of fireflies flew about, seemingly two miniature stars dancing in the shower of blooms. It was like watching a ballet. If you closed your ears and listened to your own heart beating, you could swear the melody which caused all of this generated from yourself. The airy ambience just felt so… so…

"Isn't this all too romantic?" the force gushed, hands to her lips in awe.

Romantic? That would have never been a word I would have used to describe the temple's garden. But it wasn't perfect… yet. _I bet the goddess' voice would go well with the silent song singing in my heart_. I gave myself a mental slap. Where did _that_ come from? But the thought of it gave me the same tingling sensation I felt when I had touched the altar of the shrine. As much as I wanted to deny it, my spirit was longing to feel it _again_.

"I bet Goddess Sakura had something to do with this." She said in a half-whisper, "Don't you just love her?"

L-love?! Maybe adore… but not… LOVE! My heart was pounding so fast that I could feel my whole body vibrating with it. The sound was deafening. It was louder than any opening celebrations that had ever taken place. It was going too fast, I had to order it to stop. It could not withstand the neurological torture and pumped too much blood towards my body's window to other individuals.

"EH? Li-sama is… blushing?!"

* * *

I paced around the royal halls, to and fro and back again, trying to keep up with the thoughts in my head. _Why do I bother to tire myself out? I am a goddess. Useless._ I took several steps toward the balcony overseeing the land I was bound to "protect". I put my foot up gently on the rail, careful to keep my balance. Then, I jumped off. The feeling was great. The wind rushed through my hair, trashing it because I trespassed its territory. My eyes blurred in vision. The world spun around me- sky, earth, sea, sky… I could no longer tell which direction I was facing. I could no longer tell if I was still upright. This was how I should feel. I took a few moments of concentration, and I felt the expected sensation on my back. Pure white feathers spread about, conjuring the splendor only immortals were capable of: wings. They spread subconsciously about, slowing my fall into a glide. I hovered on that height for a while, admiring the view, then soared to a higher altitude- saving myself the explanation to my people when they question of a white avian of exceptional size. 

I was so high above clouds that I could no longer distinguish the vehicles from the houses, the trees from the people. Everything was a blur. Paint smudged onto the canvas, the artist feeling hazy. There was a white facade to the far north of the town, and my wings instinctively fluttered to it. I could not explain it. My wings brought me there on their own. But if it were to… 

I found myself a seat between two effigies on the rooftop and nestled myself there, staring at the sky, gazing at my home. I recall as a young goddess, I used to play by a shrine to the tree of Yggdrasil with a muse. She had the loveliest of features. She would run around with her gray-hued straight hair flowing playfully, her wine-tinted amethyst eyes lighting up with life. She would often sing to me a song, a living nightingale whose timbre was always perfect, and I could sing no further than the first line…

"Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love" 

My wings had brought me to this place. And if heavens permit it, `twas by fate. So why am I here?

_"Let the wind guide thy way. For though the wind carries everything away to uncertainty, it comes back and greets all with new freshness and cheer…"_

Someone sang the next line. Someone knew the song that had been safeguarded in my heart since my days of youth. It was a male voice. My heart thumped along with the melody. I was afraid yet curious. Intuitively my wings hid themselves, not leaving a single feather of evidence. I took a peek down, and found myself stealing a glimpse of a lad in thought, singing with his inner soul subconsciously. Strands of his chestnut hair danced with the breeze, his auburn eyes flickering with burning affection.

_"…And though hope, like a candle's wick dips dangerously in its own wax, may sometimes be put out. Fate will not permit its niche of bringing light to the farthest point it can reach to vanish."_

The two of us finished together, voices entwined in perfect harmony. The lad's initial reaction to catching someone peeking in one of his more private moments was ire. His eyes disputed mine, the perpetrator's, & eventually the raging fire in his neutralized. For how long we were staring at each other, no one could tell. But I felt that the world had lifted a huge burden from my shoulders, that I was the lightest being in existence, and that all in the world was right.

"Who… are you?"

"I…" I caught myself flushing. I recognized his voice almost instantly. _He's my priest_. He seemed to sense my uneasiness and stared at his feet accusingly.

"Its OK if you don't want to… uhm, introduce yourself. But I'm erm… Syaoran…" he lifted his hand in a handshake, but his field of view never left the ground.

I accepted it, & allowed him to help me down off the rooftop. I couldn't help hearing his heart beat within the few moments he carried me down. It was pounding wildly, noise unheard of to the ears. But it matched mine exactly. He brought me to a garden, under a tree with the blooms falling freely to the ground.

"How'd you, uhm…learn the song?"

He had asked me a question. He seemed to be ashamed of facing me directly, as much as I was afraid of staring into his eyes again. "My ears, they were blessed with the whim of the song as a child. A songbird gifted me with her presence."

I could tell that my voice had an effect on him. He had seemed taken aback, but he wanted to linger in our conversation. "Oh."

I couldn't help but smile. His reactions to everything I did was humorous, but I wasn't laughing. It gave me pure joy, something even immortals long for.

Our conversation stretched from light to dark, his occasional flustering and my occasional light giggle. We felt completely at ease with one another, as if we had known each other since birth. Though he did not tell of them openly, I could sense his weaknesses. But it made me even more fond of him, this Syaoran, my priest.

"LI-SAMA!!! ITS TIME FOR DINNER! WHERE ARE YOU?"

The lad before me glared angrily at the direction of the voice, enraged with the interruption perhaps?

"Anou…" I couldn't help myself. I didn't want the moment to end. I had to make an excuse for him to stay. "you had failed to tell me yet why you know of the song as well…"

He had already stood up. His face turned to the voice again, hesitantly, and then turned to me. "I wish to speak with you again tomorrow. Same place, same hour. I would answer any of your questions then. That is, if it would be ok with you…"

I gave him my hand & he assisted me in standing up. "Very well." I gave him a wry smile as he dashed into the temple, my eyes following his back until the darkness of the shadows consumed him.

* * *

"Li-sama seems awfully happy…" Meiling thought out loud, making sure Wei would hear her.

"`Ai. He seems oblivious to everything, except his own euphoria." The caretaker of the temple commented, serving three bowls of ramen on the table. For the priests and for himself.

I stared at the noodles in front of me, trying to stop myself from grinning on the outside as much as I was in the inside. "If you love the smell, the presentation, and the taste of ramen- does that mean you love ramen as well?"

"Yes, Li-sama. I believe it does." Wei answered without question, putting down his chopsticks in thought.

"Eh? Why is Li-sama asking such weird questions? Why?" Meiling interrogated, folding her arms in front of her. "Did something good happen Li-sama? Did--"

_You could darn say something good happened_. I met… her. The girl who goes without a name. I love her scent, her flower-like appearance, her sweet personality, her enchanting green eyes, her… I love everything about her. Does that mean I love her as well?

"…did the townspeople give more offerings? Did the goddess give word again? Did--"

Goddess. The girl's voice had sounded familiar when she first spoke. Too familiar, in fact, for comfort. _They have the same sweetness & gentleness in their voices. Her & the goddess_. Nah. They probably just had the same sweet nature, invigorating through their vocal chords. It was them that made the flowers bloom, the golden ball rise, & the birds sing. Besides, a goddess would have never conversed with me like that. She was too much fun, an innocence yearning no more than verve. _A sunflower basking happily under the sun, enveloped in the wings of love_.

"Did-- did you bother to listen to even a single word I said?!"

"Mrrm." I took a sip of the soup. Wei had made the broth so clear, I could see a vague reflection of myself on the bowl. Usually, I would not care about these details. I would eat, say my graces, then leave. But time was moving too slow until the next day, and there was time to do everything. There was even time to stop and smell the flowers. I turned to observe the other diners on the table. Wei was struggling with an unexpectedly long strand of noodle. Meiling was eating her ramen, but kept her eye on me all the time. I couldn't help but shed a sweatdrop. She was watching over me too well. She'll find out about…her. I can't let that happen. Meiling would do everything under her power as priestess to banish the girl, and the townspeople would believe her to be righteous. I won't be able to stop her for she would counter I was becoming too attached to the girl that I was neglecting my priestly duties. I cannot let that happen. I stared at my reflection on my bowl again. An idea was forming in my head, a lightbulb clicked on somewhere.

After I took the last few sips of my soup, I waved the two unfinished diners goodbye. Meiling had wanted to question me again, but proper dining etiquette prevented her to do so. I ran out of the temple as fast as I could before she would have the chance to clear her full mouth. If I was to keep the meetings a secret, I would need assistance to keep Meiling off my back. I was quite sure if Wei found out, he would keep silent about it. But I was also quite sure he would refuse to partake in the plans of getting Meiling out of the way. I needed someone else.

 I knocked on the door of the house nearest to the temple. Here lived a girl I have come to know as Naoko. She opened the door, quite surprised in finding me behind it. She suddenly became timid, but had let me in anyway.

"Li-sama, what brings you here?" she offered me a seat across her, a small table for tea between us.

"I…need your help." I told her everything. How I met the girl, how I felt about her, how I was afraid of her safety with Meiling around. Naoko listened all too earnestly, asking me to clarify a few things every now & then. Once the plan had been laid, I asked her finally, "Well, will you help me?"

I stared at my reflection on her glasses, much like I had stared at myself on the ramen's soup. She nodded.

* * *

The days went on like weeks. Weeks, like months. Every day it was the same. Syaoran & I would meet under the tree of showering blooms, while Naoko would find some way to get Meiling out of the way. Shopping, tea, an excursion, an emergency, anything. Syaoran had told me of his plan, and gave me a peek of the people involved in it. We suppressed a simultaneous giggle from our hiding place behind the windowsill when we saw Meiling complaining about "how a day never goes without Naoko saying she needed more clothes".

I was full of bliss, & it was becoming apparent. The other gods would often wonder why I always seemed to be glowing every time I came back, and where I went for the day. I would answer with my pleasant that-is-for-me-to-know smile, especially reserved for that purpose. This seemed to satisfy them enough.

I entered my chamber & flopped myself heavily on the divan of feathers, cotton and everything else soft in the world. I found myself hugging a pillow inexplicably, giggling like a little child of four years. Giggling so much, in fact, that I didn't hear that a fellow goddess had entered my personal quarters.

"How did it go today?" Goddess Chiharu asked. I had told her of my rendezvous, making her promise to keep it a secret, & she seemed thrilled by it. True love, she said, was hard to come by- even for immortals. I had asked her before if it was acceptable to love a mortal, and she answered me in such a way that a new line had been added to the song in my heart,

_"Though the world throws you an rock, embrace it as it is. For she did not make things the way they were for us to change them, but for us to find a way to bask in happiness with them."_

I didn't answer her, & let my enigmatic smile tell the story.

"I guess that means you had a good time." She stood up, looked at me from head to toe, then gave me a little pat. "You're growing up, dear. You should know that this mutual adoration will eventually lead you to rocky shores. You should be prepared."

I looked up at her deep russet eyes and found myself dazed. There was something in her eyes, something different. Though I could not tell what it was, I immediately felt guilty. _Mutual._ Maybe that was why. I had not yet confessed to Syaoran who I was. The fear of losing him was too great. It was a risk worse than death. Why? Because I was immortal, I cannot die. All I would feel was the loneliness for the rest of eternity.

"I'm afraid for you, dear Sakura." Chiharu said, in an almost inaudible voice. "I fear not all, gods & humans alike, believe that love is what we take it to be. He is your priest after all, you must remember that. There is a thin line between affection and adoration. I fear you might get hurt in this relationship."

I found myself staring at the creases of her dress. The light played with them, forming shadows and mounds. The playground was coming towards me. No, _I_ was coming towards it. And I found myself out of control. Tears were trickling down my face, and all I had to show for it was my head buried in Chiharu's dress.

* * *

I was getting worried. She was late. In fact, that was an understatement, for the sun was way above the hills. It was midday. I was under our usual meeting place, pacing around. I looked up and considered something new. Is it just me, or does the tree seem a little… dry?

"Li-sama!" Meiling came running down the path, her words coming in a series of short breaths. "He's coming here! Yue-domo- he's coming here!"

"The pastor from the north? Why?"

"He has received news that Goddess Sakura has spoken with you & he wishes to hear her with his own ears. Also…" her eyes fluttered close, afraid to say the next line.

"What is it? Tell me!" I held her by her shoulders, shaking the next line out of her.

"We've received word that King Yama is headed to our town with full force. The townspeople have started evacuating. Yue-domo to arrive bearing assistance."

Damn. The utmost war was about to happen, & he was in no condition to fight. Not without seeing her first.

"Let me wait a while under this tree. If I were to hear the battle horn, I shall run to aid our people in the war."

"Fine. But you really must reconsider your priorities, Li-sama."

She left. Each moment after that was painstaking. My sweat was trickling down my face, hitting the ground in full force. Where was she? I heard footsteps from inside the temple. Could it be?

"Li-sama. Let me guard that tree! Go to the battlegrounds! Your people need you!"

It was Wei. I was about to reply a stubborn _Never!_ But a long battle cry interrupted my speech. The war had started.

"Please, Wei. If you are to see a young beauty approach this tree, tell her I am at war. Tell her I apologize for not being able to make it today. Tell her if I might not be able to come back. But most importantly, tell her _I love her_." I turned around, practically flying to the direction of all the bloodshed, not giving the concierge a chance to answer.

I have to get there. I must. _I must._ I was flying through the air, amidst the clouds that were getting in my way. I was still using my wings at a height far too low for safety. But I didn't care. It was the only I'd get there in time. If only I didn't make time to regret. I had been locked up in my room by the other gods. They thought I was becoming mad, locking me up would be able to reconcile my sanity. Chiharu had been too cowardly. She had told on me. I spent all those hours banging on my door, begging them to let me out. Only physical force was allowed inside the royal halls, but I had to break free. With the powers of a goddess, the door had flung open, hitting a passing deity on the way. I had to treat him later, if they would allow me. Right now, I had to get to Syaoran.

From afar I could see a figure under the tree. I was overjoyed, for I had smelled blood on my way here. I landed in front of the tree, not caring to hide my wings for today was my day of confession. The figure came out of the shadows… it wasn't Syaoran.

"Milady…" he took a step back, surprised by my appearance. There was something wrong in the air. I looked up and saw that tree agreed with me- it was shedding its final blossoms.

"WHERE'S SYAORAN?!"

"He's…he's…" he went into explaining about some war & a priest from the north. But I wasn't listening- it was Syaoran's message to me that carried importance.

" …But most importantly, _he loves you_."

I flew off again. Not needing a guide this time, only the silent song in my heart, _"Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love"_

The crusade was fiercer than I could have ever thought possible. My left arm was now broken, & I was leaning on my staff for support, muttering spells and curses that may aid my comrades. There was a fractured rib somewhere, but I had no time to pinpoint the location. King Yama himself was coming my way, an evil flicker in his eyes. "Goodbye, priest!"

CRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK

The ground between us had cracked, forming a canyon of the largest proportions. I could not see if there was a bottom. Somewhere, someone had screamed of a goddess. I think it was Yue-domo. The blood coming out of me was increasing by the moment, and it was affecting my vision. But my mind was still clear. A picture of _her_ was forever embossed in it. I felt a piece of rock slip off somewhere, & I found myself facing shadows at an increasing speed. I was falling. I guess I'll be able to see if this thing had a bottom after all.

* * *

I regained consciousness. I could not open my eyes, but I knew that I was still falling. Falling, but in an undoubtedly lesser speed. It was warm. Someone had their arms around me. It was her. "What are you doing here, lovely idiot?"

_He had spoken. At least I know my love is alive. "Saving you, dear."_

I opened my eyes and found myself surrounded by pure white. It was blurry, and my head said it was snow. But my heart knew better- they were feathers. Feathers of wings. Feathers of her…

_He opened his eyes, an auburn pair of understanding & warmth. "I am…_

"Goddess Sakura. I know. Now." He nestled closer to me, returning the embrace I had been giving him. "So you've come to save me & my people after all. But you are sad about something…I can sense it."

_He knows. I was sad? Maybe I was. But if being with him was sadness, then I would rather face eternal sorrow. "I broke the immortals' law. I may not go back."_ _I waited in vain for his reply. How would he feel about an exiled goddess? Would he… leave me? But I knew whatever his response would be, I would still follow him._

"Who cares." I said, trying to touch her hair. Gravity was against me as well as the wrath of the gods. Who cares. "I never did answer your question."

_I smiled. He was right. Who was I to care of them, when I had him_. _"What?"_

"I learned that song through your ears. Even back then, we were already one & meant to be together. When the living nightingale sang you the song, it was brought to me as well. That is why I know."

At the same time, back in the temple, a tear fell down an old man's face as he watched the last blossom fall to the ground.

_"Though the world throws you an rock, embrace it as it is. For she did not make things the way they were for us to change them, but for us to find a way to bask in happiness with them."_

~TSUDUKU~

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES: 

§ Tsk… tsk… think that's the end? WRONG. Remember what this fic is about! It's a play. Plays don't end with the snap of the final word; they end with either the applause or the mocking of the audience. So I'll be expecting that as well, k? ^.^~

§ Not too bad for my first attempt at a CCS fic… right? Though it doesn't have anything to do about CCS aside from the characters ^^;

§ The song they were singing… isn't exactly a song. ^_^

§ OOC-ness: I hate mush… I hate mush… if only seiyumi didn't like it so much… and if she hadn't infected me with the 'fic-writing bug'… and if I had laid off Ia's syrupy fics… grr…


	2. Kanashimi no Chikara de

OK, here's chap 2 minna! Be prepared because it's a _tad _different from chap 1 (*smirk* what an understatement). As I mentioned before: "_Each chapter, a new story. Each chapter, a new person_". You can also blame it on… mycurrentcrazeofsaiyukiwhichhasalotofcursingwordspervertedyoukaisviolenceandsoon (did I talk too fast?)

Oh, & ultima-san, I don't play xenogears ^^; my guess is xenogears got the name from the same source as I did: Norse mythology. Yggdrasil is the tree of life guarded by the 3 goddesses who determine the length of mortals' lives: Urd (past), Verdandi (present) & Skuld (future). Hmm… now why does that sound so familiar… =^+^=

Thanks to all who reviewed! This was only supposed to be a 1 chap fic for my bud, seiyumi, but you guys are too persistent ^_^ Hmm… I can't believe I'm still working on this… considering my limited knowledge of CCS & its my first CCS fic ^.^~

Disclaimers: I said I won't repeat it again. Tough. Oh! But there's a certain character here that's mine ^_^ Read on to find that out!

* * *

"Sakura? Sakura???"

There was a vein popping on Terada-sensei's forehead, caused by a certain redheaded girl who had fallen asleep in his Algebra lecture.

"Mrrm…"

"SAKUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The girl woke up, emerald eyes recovering from sleep. "Hoe? I fell asleep?!"

The teacher decided to let it pass, oblivious to the fact that his student had been tired out chasing another unsealed card. Sakura turned her head to the back, blushed, then turned her attention back to the lecture.

"Syaoran...Onii-chan _had _called him a bratty priest before." She muttered to herself. "A goddess? Hmm…" and she giggled softly, much to the curiosity of the boy whose name she had mentioned.

Syaoran was heading to his next class when he encountered Eriol in the corridors. After the usual greetings, he realized that the other was thinking about something. Hard.

"What's on your mind?"

Eriol coughed a bit, and explained his situation to Syaoran. He had passed his story to the critics, and they had liked it (k3: well, you guys _did_ say so) but it had been too extremist to act out. "I need something simpler."

The bell rang, and they gave each other a short wave, Eriol not neglecting to give Syaoran something to think about for the rest of the day: "If you get any ideas for our play, _anything_ at all, please inform me."

* * *

Chapter 2: ~Kanashimi no Chikara de~ (With the Strength of Sorrow…)

"TAKE COVER!"

The words came in a muffled scream, and it took me a while to digest the meaning. Shoot. Luckily, _she _had already dodged the enemy's first frontal attack. 

"Thunder!" I called out. There was a crackle of lightning, and the enemy took a step back. I thought that was the end of him. Crud. I had thought wrong. Amidst the noise, I heard him call out his one of his more powerful cards. Amidst the fire and smoke, _her_ lithe form darted in sidesteps towards the enemy, weary of his power.

I squinted my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face. _Things are starting to get rough_. I mentally cursed my eyes for getting watery in the icy wind. Heck, I caused that. I should be cursing myself.

_She screamed_.

There was a shadow around a hundred meters before me. He was gathering his prowess for a strong final blow, one that neither of _us_ would be able to counter. I pulled out my sword, swearing in the worst case and praying for the best, knowing it was HIM before me.

He staggered. S_he fell._

I heard an initial gasp of alarm, followed by a cackle of evil laughter.

Her body gave way to gravity as her hands stretched out to welcome fatality. Time slowed down as I ran to catch her- flames, blaring noises, and sanity fading into the background.

_She's gone_.

* * *

That had been a year ago.

I was staring at the alley of the crime--no, murder. Just remembering it gave me cold sweat. My body wracked with dry sobs. I wasn't the only one who had taken the news heavy-hearted. No, _far_ from that. Her father had not been able to control his tears, but he had kept this smile on his face saying, "At least she'll be with her mother now." Sometimes, I think about it again and wonder if that smile actually meant something else- I loathe the world.

The monster broke down too. I would have never made a bet on seeing the day her brother would mourn for countless hours in his sister's room, drinking down the pain with sake. But he did. Yukito would sometimes join him, hoping his presence would help console. Some people are just too naïve for their own good. _She was_.

Countless friends and family had arrived, dressed in black and tears. Tomoyo lost her voice that day. The songbird never found her timbre again. No one had spoken. All you could hear was the priest droning words of spirit and heaven. Everyone had taken a turn to singly gaze at her a final time. Each of their eyes had carried something different- memories slipping away, pain, regret… but all were entangled in the string of one emotion: sorrow.

"_Ashes to ashes…dust to dust"_

They had tried to calm me down as I screamed and howled like a mad man as the bed of death was slowly lowered down to the earth. My body tried to break free of the hands and arms holding me down, my mind of the unearthly pain of the memory, my heart the chains that had wrought so well around it, stopping my lips from telling her the words I would now regret I had never told her.__

I tried to step away from the alley, struggling to chose another path to take. The grief of seeing it all again was too much torture, but I couldn't order my body to budge. It remembers all of the nostalgia too well. My senses had it imprinted in them. The smell of the air that day, her voice screaming, her lissome form painstakingly making contact with the ground. Crud. I was living that day again.

I let my body take control of me for a moment. There was a light sensation, slowly inching up from my toes to the tips of my hair. How it defied gravity, no one would probably ever understand. It wasn't like I was going to let them know in the first place. Who… who are the 'them' I'm talking about? I stood there, staring questioningly at the clouds who had hidden the radiant golden ball for ransom. The feeling seemed to have found its way to somewhere in my chest. It was getting to hard to breathe, but I could somehow not let it go.

"Hey, there."

A hand clasped over my left shoulder. The voice came in groggy, but soothing. I turned to see who it was, and was greeted by familiar silver hair and reflections of myself on his glasses. This was the man I had misfallen for at first, but had guided me into listening to the true musings of my heart. Too bad it would never be able to speak of her again. His eyes had this thing about them, and they somehow told of where he went that day. There was an invisible red fleck in there somewhere, triggered by his best friend's new way of life.

We just stared at each other for a few moments, exchanging messages of sorrow and console silently. He finally decided to break the ice, "Its been a year. Please let it go." His voice cracked, undertone expressing a plead. He must be suffering from this too. This _loss_. But he's trying to go on with his life, and he's determined to bring us along with him. Maybe he'll be able to do that for Touya. Yes, I'm sure he will. But me… no. No words of comfort will be able to erase the fact of her ceased existence. None… no one.

"Good try."

His shoulders fell, the whole mood of the area accompanying him as well. He knew there was nothing he could do, though he tries. He was a free man now, but freedom came in a horrible price. One that I could never muster up to speak of. He let out a sigh of defeat, turned around, and went on his way.

I was back to square one. I stood there by the alley again. Staring blankly, half-expecting her to rise from the rocky earth or through the cracks in the pavement. A shadow passed by the other side, but I did not care to trace who owned it. It passed again, quite closer this time. Still, I chose to ignore it. Finally, if shadows had emotions then certainly this one was fumed for it practically hissed at me as it chose to brush off right in front of my eyes.

I shook my head, and there was nothing there. _Not a shadow of evidence_. My feet finally seemed to have recharged its batteries and went on its way. I was going home now. Or at least, my body was. My heart and mind were still frozen on that day. That day she left the world, without a mention of goodbye.

* * *

I just sat there, waiting for the food to feed on itself. Silence had been served on our table since Meiling had left, looking for reconciliation in Hong Kong after her rival chose to forfeit their battle. It seemed to have lost its appetite as well. Wei sat there across the table. Even if I did not raise my head I knew his eyes were on me, studying my odd behavior.

"Li-sama, I believe that the food will not eat itself. Rot, perhaps. But not in one serving."

Syaoran would have laughed at this, at the thought of how Wei would have reacted to his thoughts. Yes, Syaoran. The one who was still there, running to catch her as she fell. The one who had lost track of the rest of the world when he lost the one person. The one who had lost himself to grief. If he was still there, then who was this? The one talking to an unseen audience, ranting of his non-life from where she had left off? The one standing here, as his custodian slowly pales in worry?

I had to stop. I cannot let my thoughts overpower me, not let my emotions drive me to madness. Though Wei said not a single word, I knew he agreed. His silence can tell so much. I felt something was in the air, accompanying the eerie tranquility of the night. I closed my eyes on my meal, and felt someone tugging softly on my sleeve. The feel of the cloth scratching back and forth was intoxicating, a poison nonetheless incomparable to the tearing inside of me. I realized my nonsense, and at the same time the reality of it all: Wei had been trying to tell me I had a visitor.

I left my untouched victuals and walked in all earnest to the front door. _Anything_ was better than this awkwardness. The door creaked the whole time it opened, the perfect overture as I was surprised to find the silent songbird at my door, a queer golden creature perched on her shoulder. How our conversation will carry on I wonder, but my query was instantly answered by an unwelcome pipe from the stuffed toy-like beast.

"Help."

I was taken aback, surprised at the plead of Kereberos. The deity that had kept me from confessing, and the one that I was in constant dispute with. But there was no reason to argue with him now, now that she's gone. I felt myself drifting off again, my mind traveling to the distant shores of yesteryears when life seemed so carefree as we bickered and she would try to calm us down. I was so lost in thought, that it had taken a tap from Tomoyo to bring me back to earth.

I stared at the two of them accusingly. They knew very well how abusive they were being, knowing that I was still blanketed in the sheets of her memories unable to wake up. I could not obtain anything from Kereberos' black beady eyes, but the amethyst pair beside his told another story. One of pain and pure misery, having lost the one she had been with all her life. I felt myself step out of myself and climb into her own shoes, the in-depth of untamed serenity. She had been with Sa-- with her best friend for as long as she could remember. She was aware of the loss better than anyone else, even me. If Sa-- if _she_ were here now, she would have wanted me to let her friendship with Tomoyo live on. I was the only one she could have counted on this wish. I looked at her best friend's lips, drying from its shunned state since the tragedy. I had been a terrible comrade, but I was not going to be a bad friend.

"What do you need?"

The thin line on Kereberos' face that served as his lips grew wide as he leaped and let his tiny wings take flight. Tomoyo stayed still, but her eyes lighted up as well. Much brighter than it had been for the past year. She grabbed my hand and started running, giving me little time to wave a short _I'll be back!_ to my patron I had left alone on the table.

We were crossing familiar streets, and my feet seemed to run along effortlessly as it knew the way by instinct. A gold blur was to my side, trying to catch up with our undoubted speed. No, _my_ speed. I hadn't been aware that I had let go of Tomoyo's hand from the time my feet realized where it was taking me. I took a moment to look behind my back and caught a glimpse of a gray-haired angel who had lost her wings and was now on a last effort to revive them. She looked desperate, but there was no doubt that there was still hope within her. Hope, that came in the form of somebody else. _Me_… the realization broke in gently as it stalled my running.

I stopped right in the middle of crossing the street, surprising my two companions. The small floating one was puzzled, but the other one looked at me with eyes of understanding and warmth. Finally, the songbird was let free of her cage-

"_Hurry along now. She needs you_."

* * *

We found ourselves at the place where everything had began. The room was quaint, with rows of books adorning the shelves. I found myself wondering how _she_ could have possibly chanced upon the clowbook in this mess. Maybe it would have been best if she hadn't found it at all, then maybe she wouldn't have… no. One way or another Clow Reed would have trailed her and given the same mission. It was the inevitable fate. It was destiny. But could it have been destiny as well that carved her burial post?

Kereberos was sitting atop a table, letting the moon by chance put a small spotlight on him. Tomoyo had gone upstairs to get something, what it was I had no idea. I was left as a single audience.

"Syaoran, I know this is hard for you but…"

He changed his tone. I wasn't liking the turn the stage had taken, but there would be no end if there be no climax.

"…the cards. The unsealed ones. They…they--"

Whatever the little guy was suppose to say was getting the best of him. He was starting to choke. I tried to approach him to assist but he wade his yellow arm at me.

"They know what happened to--to the Card Captor. Now they feel free to prowl and make havoc in the city. You might have already encountered some of them."

I felt a flashback scene slash slyly into my brain. It was that afternoon, a curious shadow was trying to grab my attention. But when I tried to trace the owner, he was nowhere to be found.

"Yes, I'm aware. They've let their presence be known." I paused for a while, unsure of what I was to say next, "But what am I to do?"

A voice from the open doorway answered my question, "Do as she would have wanted you to do." Tomoyo was standing there, her pale fragile face seemingly floating in midair as the dimness of the hallway consumed the rest of her body. But I could still see her hands, trembling by her chest enclosed around an object that was obviously of most importance.

"Here." Her hands shook as it reached for my open palm, and then felt something light fall on it.

I directed my eyes unwillingly to my hands and saw _it_. The clow key. There was a sudden rush of memoirs of card-capturing days, from our discovery of the guardians' true forms down to the quirky costumes Tomoyo made. Each one was so vividly captured and locked within the key, and now it shared those treasures with me. I didn't know what I felt at that time, but Kereberos must have read curiosity.

"We need you to capture those unsealed cards. There's no one else who could do it."

I looked down at the key, trying to shy away from the debate Kereberos' request had initiated within me. _It_ seemed to found its way to around my neck. Was it my subconscious hands' doing? Or Tomoyo's? Whichever it was, I found myself lifting my face head on to Kereberos'.

I nodded, and the show ended.

* * *

"Storm!" A whirlwind scooped the clow card up like a bit of melting ice cream. I ran forward while calling out my sword. Kereberos was already by the card's side shouting out instructions as he was trying to keep up. Tomoyo was on the roof of the building beside us, filming all that was happening.

"Isn't that a bit…sad?" I had asked her several weeks before, after I spotted her pulling out her camera amidst a dusty pile of other things she would have preferred forgetting.

"It is. But I'd only like to let go of the pain, not her memoirs." Was her reply, gently carrying the camera to a table and dusting it off.

I didn't understand then, and I still don't understand now. But I'll still get that clow card anyhow.

"_Gyoku tei yuu choku shin ken shi hou_

_Kin moku sui ka do rai fuu_

_Rai den shin choku_

_Kei ma heki reki_

_Den kou ten_

_KYOU KYOU NYO RITSU RYOU!_"

There was a whirl of light and the huge mass of strayed energy transformed into a card flimsily falling onto my open palm. My hand clasped around it as my eyes closed in thought. "Sakura, this is for you."

It was later that afternoon and the three of us were in Tomoyo's audio-visual room as she was editing today's successful card capture.

"Stooooooooorrrrrm!" came a screech from the tape's direction. Kereberos tried to hide it at first, but ended up falling off his chair laughing. I just gave off a disgruntled "Ch." Tomoyo started to work her wonders and the horrid screech turned into the low tenor voice I proudly called my own. She was starting to omit some of the extra footage when the camera suddenly had a good view of Kereberos' golden back. _Only_ Kereberos' back.

"Erase that!" I instructed Tomoyo, annoyed with the unsightly view of the behind of the pig who ate my slice of cake. "You're just jealous! *sticks tongue out*" We ended up brawling again, my purposely aiming at the spot he would have just been and him darting away safely out of harm's way. Tomoyo took no notice of us as she started to divide the scene into several frames and selecting which ones to keep. I couldn't understand how she does her assorting since all the frames were very similar. Well, maybe except for a few differences. Like how the fourth one has a view of my sword's tip, or the sixth one with Tomoyo's thumb accidentally getting in the way, or the third one with that small shadow to the far right--

"STOP!" Tomoyo jerked her finger away from the delete button.

"That shadow!" I pointed to the third frame which was missing in the next. "Its…its…"

The editor looked at me questioningly as Kereberos took his place at my shoulder. "What is it?"

"Its…_him_."

Tomoyo paled, wavered, then leaned on the screen for support. Kereberos seemingly was pulled backwards and hit himself on the wall.

"He's been observing us all this time."

* * *

The next afternoon we were on double duty. Tomoyo brought two cameras that day: One for filming the card capturing, the other as security and possible reference for _him._ Kereberos flew around the second camera impatiently, struggling with a megaphone twice his size. He was going to be barking instructions from only one point since he was going to be on the lookout for _him_. I was beginning to understand the nature of having two eyes: One for seeking, the other for spotting. My mind wasn't on the clow card who reportedly had been showing up in this alley I've been patrolling, but rather on finding _him_.

I lifted my head and squinted at the setting sun's direction. I was trying to remember the enemy's appearance, but all I could recall was a shadow figure with an eerie laugh. He was a card captor too, I believe. And a rather experienced one at that. But why did he have to go around taking the lives of other card captors? _I_ never thought of such a thing when I first met Sa--hmm. Does being a superior card captor mean playing the game of 'survival of the fittest'? Sakura was exceptional, but she wasn't quite as…tough. 

A barking command from the direction of the vantage point dissolved the rest of my reverie. "Idiot! The clow card just passed you! CHASE IT!" I began to run after what seemed like a cross between an elf and a horse. I could hear a faint rationalization of what clow card it was from Kereberos, but I was too concentrated on the figure in front of me to take notice. It kept turning left and right, to whatever direction the next alley would be. I was getting confused where we were heading, but I knew that this would have been its objective. I tried gaining speed until the broken lines on the middle of the road blurred into a single solid running line. At the back of my head a tiny voice was whispering something, something about familiarity, but I could not take time to listen to it while the card was now only a few feet away.

Klunk. Klink. Bam. The clow card had knocked down several trashcans and they were now tumbling my way. I dodged the first one. Leaped over the next. And sidestepped for the third. Whew~ I turned my back and watched as the last tumbling can stretched a farther distance, another moment more and I would have--BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM.

Blink. Blur figures. Blink. Big to my right, small to my left. Blink. Its Tomoyo and Kereberos, looking… down at me. I sat up and found myself in an alley, a trashcan with a large dent on its side to my right. I felt my hand go up to the side of my forehead. Ouch! Crud. I stared accusingly at Kereberos about to demand why he hadn't warned me, but he returned an _I-told-you-so­_ look instead. Tomoyo gathered the two cameras in her hands and put them in front of me. She let me watch the footage so far, knowing her eyesight wasn't as keen. Kereberos almost immediately began pointing out the errors in my moves which I tried my best to ignore but instead…well, that large Band-Aid on his head should explain. My eyes went about scrutinizing every single pixel of the small screen that came with the camera, looking for the all-too-familiar shadow. After the nth rerun of the second clip, I smacked my hands down on the ground behind me. I give up. I stared at the sky. It was beginning to get dark. The buildings around me were hiding it, but I knew the sun was almost down.

A tingling sensation climbed up from the ground through my fingertips and made its way to my head. I heard that little voice again, and I slapped my face to get it out of my head. There was a question mark starting to grow on Kereberos' head, while Tomoyo shed a sweatdrop. But that didn't get the little voice out. It was too faint too understand anyway.

Tomoyo went back to her station and started putting the two cameras in position. Meanwhile, Kereberos explained what clow card I was up against and what I could do to defeat him. We were in the midst of discussing the clow card's weakness when--

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

One of Tomoyo's camera's exploded.

She screamed- the rail she was leaning on gave in.

I began to run down the long alley to catch her- Kereberos' cries, the camera, & the clow card fading into the background.

"Storm!" I called out. A sudden gust of wind formed under her and broke her fall. I thought that was the end of the danger. Crud. I had thought wrong.

"TAKE COVER!"

The words came in a muffled scream, and I digested the meaning a second too late. Whatever we were fighting had used a bright light to stall us. I squinted my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face. _Things are starting to get rough_. I mentally cursed my eyes for fearing the light. Heck, I was forewarned. I should be cursing myself.

The little voice was starting to get louder. But I can't take time to listen to it- not _now_.

Amidst the battle of inner and outer voices, I heard my foe call out a card. Amidst my confusion, I could see myself darting in sidesteps towards the enemy, weary of his power.

There was a shadow around a hundred meters before me. I pulled out my sword, swearing in the worst case and praying for the best, not knowing it was HIM before me.

An arrow was shot.

A cackle of evil laughter.

I stiffened. I staggered.

The ground left my feet, my eyes met the sky. The sky was going farther and farther away. It was beyond my reach. I stretched my arms out towards the stars of the new night, my hands in plain view. To welcome…

The little voice wasn't so little anymore. There was a burning sensation in my chest, around the clow key.

The sun had finally set.

_I'll meet you again soon…Sa…ku…r--_

~TSUDUKU~

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

§ Was that too different (Ooh, angsty… now THAT'S the k3 I know ^-^)? Or was it just the same for you? Do you like this or the former one better? Please, please- I want to know what you think! I'm no longer writing for myself here…

§ Hmm… I still don't know who killed Sakura here (Crap. I am _such_ a bad writer) but whoever he is I OWN HIM ^_^;

§ Inspirations: Various Gensou Maden Saiyuki stuff, esca music (_Again._ Youko Kanno works wonders!) and the prowess of the night- yes, for my hand feels like a feather of writing when it senses the **full** moon braving the darkness (gosh. Could you tell I'm writing this at 12 in the morning?)

§ If you can't tell yet, I'm a nihongo illiterate. But nonetheless I am more aware of Li's chant in the raw version than its English counterpart. If you find this to your inconvenience, I sincerely apologize but I could not persuade Li-kun to make use of Eriol's catchy chant. (Li: You're darn right! I would _never_ make use of anything from _him_ *trembling pointing finger to Eriol*)

§ As early as now, I've done research for the next two chapters. They'll also be quite different- you'll see. I'm not too sure about the fourth chapter though, but the third one's on its way!


	3. Friends

After writing two 'heavy' chaps, I decided to try my hand at something a little lighter yet different: a song fic. This is my **first** attempt at this however ^^; To why I chose the song, I wanted to go with a theme: 1st chap was obviously romance, 2nd was angst/sorrow, so I decided the third should be about friendship ^_^ It is highly recommended you listen to the song while you read. Don't worry, my fic pales in comparison to the song (i.e. THE SONG DOESN'T STINK!)

Light E+T implied here. I can't help it-just finished reading a real purrdy E+T fic. Though, we can't immediately forget Tomoyo's feelings for *cough*cough* but right now I'd like to regard _them_ as plain friends, k? The best of friends to be sure. This is from Tomoyo's POV (I tend to write better from 1st person POV. Dunno why though ^^;).

Disclaimers: The song 'Friends': Lyrics and Song by Yonekura Chihiro; translated by Shinobi Chirlind-Byouko; from Houshin Engi OST. I edited it a bit. You should know the rest.

* * *

Eriol shook his head as he made his way down the corridor. That Xiao Lang… he should be more careful the next time he uses the word 'anything' again. Imagine! Calling him over the phone at 2 in the morning to scream about something to do with card captors, angst, death, angst, songbirds… did he mention angst?! He sighed and thought about what he was to do this afternoon. He _could_ go and visit his only relative's house and annoy him `till dusk singing snips of kabuki songs having to do with cherry blossoms… or go straight home and see what havoc Nakuru managed to cook up with Suppi-chan screaming, err--meowing for help… or see what mischief Yamazaki was up to with Chiharu being busy with cheerleading practice and all…

None of the choices seemed to quench his appetite. Besides, he had that play to work on. The thought called for a heavier sigh. There was a faint yet distinct sound of someone attempting to play the piano from the back, and abandoned, music room. Attempt was too polite of a word. He decided to go see who it was and remedy himself of the noise. The door was half-opened so he took a peep and to his surprise, found a longhaired girl banging her fists all too gracefully on an piano, obviously overworked about something.

"Ack. If Sakura-chan were here she would have helped me with this song I'm working on." Tomoyo thought aloud to herself, still banging her fists on the piano keys. Eriol found this odd since Tomoyo usually kept her head. But the next line explained it, "If it wasn't for the chorus I could have gone and filmed Sakura's cheerleading routine! Ack." Eriol shed a sweatdrop. He composed himself and placed a placid, innocent smile on his face.

"Hello, Miss Tomoyo." He greeted, as if he had just come in not knowing what Tomoyo was doing. "You seem to be in a dilemma, might I be of assistance?" Tomoyo returned his greeting with a warm smile and he felt his stomach make a small lurch. Tomoyo stood up and motioned towards the piano. "I need to practice for a song for our choral group, but we haven't been able to get anyone to play the piano part of the piece. *sigh* Could you play it for me? The piece is already on the piano but I can't play and sing at the same time."

Eriol answered with a gentlemanly bow and swept himself off to the piano bench. He started on the overture while Tomoyo was still ranting about 'how Sakura-chan would have been so happy' trying to ignore the wave of jealousy nagging at the back of his mind. As she began to sing the first few lines, his mind wandered off to the play again. Maybe we'll just do a musical…

* * *

Chapter 3: ~Friends~

_I've always searched those same eyes                                                                                                                                   those same dreams my friend_

I couldn't understand it. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, I knew what was wrong with Sakura. If she was feeling down, my cheering-up routine would get her to smile. When she was flabbergasted about a clow card, I always thought of going to Eriol for help first. When she and Kero-chan were arguing, I would always take either of them in. So, why? Why do I feel so helpless now? Why is she still on that eerie white bed, so lifeless and unmoving?

We made a promise to one another. We would be the best of friends forever. She would never leave me and I would do the same. I still cherish the pink bunny eraser she had lent me. Her generosity… her love… she didn't deserve this. What had she done to deserve this? Of course she and her brother argued, they were siblings! But that was no reason for her to be punished like this. Was this the inferior counterpart of the happiness she receives? Well, it was dumb. She returns that happiness. She showers everyone around her with unasked love. And isn't it bad enough already that she has to live her life bounded to a mission she had nothing to do with in the first place? It.Was.An.Accident. Nadeshiko was clumsy. You can expect Sakura to be the same.

Fujitaka was still on his place on the other side of the bed, almost as still as his daughter. It was no time for laughs, but he couldn't weep either. Instead he just sat there all day with a half-smile, half-frown on his face, fearing that Sakura's fate would be the same as her mother's.

_Those tears of the past, and laughter                                                                                                                                     that will come, I wish to take them all in_

Why couldn't it have been me? How come its not me on that bed, a sickly shade of green reflecting my illness? Why? WHY?!

The door burst open and in came Syaoran, to his knees and panting like a wild dog. My guess is he had ran all the way from the airport to the 3rd floor of this hospital. Touya had been an understanding brother and had made an overseas call to Hong Kong where Li was spending his summer vacation. Some vacation it turned out to be. It had actually taken some good convincing from Tsukishiro-san for Touya to make the call, but I was quite sure he was glad he did it.

The footsteps Syaoran made as he made his way to the bed were as heavy as the sweat pouring thunderously from his forehead. "How…is…she…?" he asked to no one in particular, trying to catch his breath.

Under normal circumstances I would have answered him, though it might be slightly rude. He was Sakura-chan's friend after all. Correction: He was Sakura-chan's lover after all. The thought made my stomach wobble as my mind whirled of memoirs of the three of us. He had caused Sakura so much misery when they first met. There were the constant evil glares which made her uncomfortable, the spat of discouraging words, and the competition for her first infatuation. I was by her side all that time, trying to comfort her as she ranted about how horrible school was becoming because of him. And it was also me who was partly responsible in setting them up.

That was the Clan Head of the past, this was the Li-kun of the present. Overflowing with Sakura-chan's love for now, with happiness in store for her in the future. I had put all of Sakura-chan's life to film, and now the movie might end with a cliffhanger.

"She's not well, but she's ok." Fujitaka spoke, for the first time today, in an almost inaudible voice that made Syaoran's dramatic entrance seem like a battle cry. This seemed to make sense to Syaoran as he slumped at the foot of Sakura-chan's bed.

_Fear nothing Not even the rainy                                                                                                                                  mornings nor the long darkness of night_

After a few hours of watching people like Chiharu, Yamazaki, Naoko and Rika come in to pay Sakura-chan due respects, a nurse came in bidding Syaoran and me that visiting hours were over. At this, Fujitaka pulled the curtain open to welcome the stars for the night. Sakura-chan will need all the strength she can get. After Syaoran assisted him in preparing a cot at his daughter's bedside, Syaoran walked me home.

We were just a few steps from the hospital when a heavy rain started to pour. We ran to the nearest café, our clothes soaking wet and rain leaking from our shoes. We must have been drained of common sense as well as our tears to forget bringing an umbrella. Without talking we knew we wanted the table by the window, which had a view of the upper floors of the hospital. As Syaoran ordered a cocoa-covered cherries dish (which was supposed to be a desert, insisted the waiter), I felt myself shiver against my own will. He offered me his jacket which I accepted graciously. Maybe I'll make a jacket like this in Sakura-chan's size tonight…

"Are you still cold?" Syaoran asked me politely. I shook my head, knowing it wasn't the freezing feeling in my toes that made me shiver.

_I want to become the wings that shall                                                                                                                                protect you, like the sky                                                                                                                                                           I shall soar far beyond eras and the                                                                                                                                      future that begins now- I shall give to you                                                                                                                             I'll face the winds, stamp on the earth                                                                                                                                  and live forever with you_

That night I sat there with my sewing materials in front of me. Syaoran's jacket was hung dry to my left, and will serve as the basis of Sakura-chan's get-well present. But I couldn't even get my fingers to reach for a pair of scissors. I made up my mind and reached for the remote control instead. As expected, Sakura-chan's videos were already popped inside the VCR, waiting to be played.

After I pleased myself with reliving Sakura-chan's first check-up with a _real_ doctor (and not her pediatrician), my mother came in with a docile yet forced smile on her face, revealing her expensively whitened teeth. "My baby, the maids have told me you haven't eaten yet. Are you really _that_ upset?"

I stubbornly shook my head, but I guess stubbornness wasn't a trait I inherited from Sonomi-kaasan. She perched herself heavily on my bed and for some odd reason I found myself lost and craved my Sonomi-kaasan's embrace. She gasped in alarm when she felt my tears wetting her shirt, but her maternal instinct kicked in and she hugged me closer.

"It will be ok, dear." She shushed, stroking my long hair playfully. "As…much as I…hate to admit it, Nadeshiko loves Kinomoto-sensei very much. *sniffle* She would never allow Sakura to leave them…and us." She put a protective hand on my head, and I felt the same hot tears I was shedding falling on my hair.

I wish I could protect Sakura-chan the way my Sonomi-kaasan does me. Sakura-chan has hardly received maternal love for all the years of her life. How come I didn't know that the disease was coming? I knew Sakura-chan, her health, loves, weaknesses, everything. I knew them better than Sakura-chan herself. So…WHY? I hadn't realized that I had said the last line aloud, surprising Sonomi-kaasan. She stiffened, but the warmth in her eyes didn't change. "I know not spirits, yet I know Nadeshiko is here with me…with us. We are still the close friends who never failed each other before Kinomoto-sensei stole her from me. This is why I love Sakura like my own child… because the two of you remind me of Nadeshiko and myself as children. You two, shall be together forever."

I stared at her with utter surprise, and she smacked herself for being so out of character. She stood up with a determined look on her face, "That is of course, unless I *points to self* have anything to do with it. That Kinomoto-sensei _will_ die if anything bad happens to my poor Sakura-chan." She then made comical actions of stabbing someone with a pencil, which was so funny that even _I_ had to stifle a giggle.

_The world touched by the warmth of                                                                                                                                     those hands brimming with light                                                                                                                                                                     Just by staying at your side I grew stronger than anyone_

I looked at my bedside clock, it read two am. I had yet to sleep a wink. I just stared at the ceiling, thinking of the injustice the goddess of death was doing upon her people. She.Is.Not.Gonna.Die. I reminded myself. My V8 was on the table, filming Kero-chan as he slept not too soundly. If I couldn't film her, then at least one of her guardians would do. I had not spotted Tsukishiro-san all day though… he was probably off trying to console Touya.

I blinked. The people I mentioned, even those I haven't, are my friends. And with them, I became who I am now. But it was because of Sakura-chan that I grew strong, and so did everybody else. Sakura-chan had reached out and helped these people grow, one way or another. I found myself at marvel of the miracle called Sakura. 

_This little miracle of our encounter                                                                                                                                        shall someday be a part of history_

I was looking at Sakura-chan's pale face again. The night had passed, and yet I still hadn't slept a wink. I must look terrible, but I knew that Sakura-chan was worse. A little color had returned to her cheeks, but it wasn't the tinge of red that appears ever so timely whenever Syaoran is within fifty feet of her field of view. Speaking of him, he had taken Fujitaka's place on the other side of the bed stroking Sakura-chan's hand like one would do a puppy.

Fujitaka was just outside the door, speaking with the doctor. They seemed to be in a heated argument which was quite unusual for Fujitaka. At last, I heard him heave a sigh of defeat. He opened the door and looked at all four of us, including the plushie hiding behind the curtain of my hair, with eyes so sad that I could almost swear what I feared last night might be what he was about to say. Before his lips could open for words, memoirs rushed through my mind, especially of how I met Sakura-chan and our vows to one another. No…never.

"Sakura…" he said, trying not to snuffle, "she…and I…and Touya…"

I heard Syaoran let out a sigh of relief. I felt myself stop breathing heavily. We must have been thinking of the same thing.

"…will move to Europe. They have better medical facilities there. It is highly recommended by the doctor."

"WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT???!!!" Syaoran screamed not letting go of Sakura-chan's hand, his fist in the air threatening to strike Fujitaka any moment now. "Are you saying there isn't anything Japan can do?!"

"No…" Fujitaka rationalized, ignoring Syaoran's threat. "but we can't be sure she'll be ok…afterwards…"

He let the last word trail, giving Syaoran and me time to make sense of all that was bound to happen.

_Such that I ease your pain and sadness                                                                                                                                 like the way the sea does                                                                                                                                                         I shall be the light of the future as                                                                                                                                       we drift across the distant waves_

Pink, pale blue, peach, pink. I was packing Sakura-chan's tasteful pastel palette clothes for her. Fujitaka and Touya were doing the same for their own closets. Syaoran, under the supervision of Kero-chan, was with Sakura-chan in the hospital. Normally I would have heard a word of protest from Touya, or a disgusted snap from Kero-chan, but both of them were too overwhelmed with Sakura-chan's situation to argue.

We had been so happy two days ago when Sakura-chan opened her eyes again. She couldn't utter a word, nor did she have energy to write what she felt, but by the way her eyes grew large when we told her of the news we knew she didn't approve of the idea. None of us did too, but we all knew it was for the best.

I opened another box for more of Sakura-chan's clothing and was surprised to find a familiar pink bunny suit. It was what Sakura-chan had worn when she first attempted to capture the illusion card, and I laughed at the memory of Sakura-chan gushing when she found out Yukito washed it for her. Ah. Sakura-chan's first infatuation. I hope her relationship with Li-kun isn't another one… I won't be able to stand seeing her so miserable again.

The clothes were piling up, so I decided to do my reminiscing while folding. I could remember quite clearly the first time she had used the Sakura cards without the help of the stars. She grew sick, but all she needed then was rest. Syaoran & I came by that afternoon to check on her. Sakura-chan was pleased with our visit, but I knew that she was rather pleasantly surprised with Syaoran. Sakura & Syaoran…the perfect axiom.

I finished folding up a rather flowery blue dress, and began to think of the two once more. Their relationship had brought Mei Ling to tears, and she had ran to me for comfort. I was full of bliss for her to think that I could ease pain and sadness that easily. She must have thought that was the way I was with Sakura-chan. I'm afraid she was wrong, because it was the other way around. Whenever I felt down it was Sakura-chan's smile that lighted up my mood. _I'm happy, as long as she's happy_. My famous mantra.

I wish I could return the favor in any way. Be the one to guide and help her for once. If Sakura-chan heard me now she would counter that I already helped too much. Ah, she is quite naïve. Yes, I made clothes, film her adventures, and make excuses for her occasionally… but that isn't really considered help. At least, not in the way she does me.

_`Till the end of this long journey                                                                                                                                                                                       I shall live forever with you_

The elevator was painfully slow as it ascended its way to the departure flights' floor. Sakura-chan had fallen asleep on the way to the airport, and she was now resting her head on the side of her wheelchair. Syaoran was behind her, playing with her hair if not rocking the chair a bit to try to wake her up. Kero-chan was trying to act like a plushie once more, situating himself between the armrest and Sakura-chan's waist. Touya and Tsukishiro-san would be following us shortly, after checking in all the Kinomotos' luggage.

1…2…3. The door opened and the lady behind the elevator buttons recited, "3rd floor. International Departure Flights." We made our way out through the bustling number of people trying to come in. Most of them had teary eyes. They probably had just bid their loved ones goodbye, like I was supposed to within little time. We waited a while on the corridor for Touya and Tsukishiro-san.

Syaoran nudged Sakura-chan a bit, she answered with a groggy sound that sounded somewhere between a horse's neigh and Touya's snoring (I've spent a night or so in Sakura-chan's house, so I should know). An elevator door opened, but we didn't recognize anyone who came out. "Are we…there yet? *blink*" Sakura-chan yawned, stretching her arms a bit nearly slamming her fist into Syaoran's face.

"Dear, we've been here in the airport for the last couple of hours." Fujitaka answered his daughter, paternally placing his hand on her head. "Hoe?!" Sakura-chan's reaction didn't have the same enthusiasm to it, but it would do. A second elevator door opened. Again, we didn't recognize anyone. "You better say your goodbyes while we have time." Sakura-chan seemed to contemplate this, and she lifted her head to see who was handling her wheelchair. Syaoran turned a shade of tomato red when Sakura-chan caught his gaze, but there was no denying the fact that they were sharing the same pout on their faces. The elevator door opened.

Tsukishiro-san was carrying a bag of food, much to the annoyance of Touya. Fujitaka had pointed questioningly to it so Tsukishiro explained that "Airplane food is terrible. Bring this as a carry-on!" Our small group shed sweatdrops. Sakura-chan insisted that she be the one to carry the food, to the delight of Kero-chan. Syaoran had to push the wheelchair harder because of the added weight.

We made our way to the terminal, the final meeting point before we had to bid goodbye. I kept trying to steal glances from Sakura-chan but she was too intent on checking out the food Tsukishiro-san bought. Her eyes grew particularly large when she brought out a gigantic oatmeal cookie the shape of a crescent moon. The plushie started to drool. I tried to hide my own present behind my back, wondering if Syaoran had some idea to what I planned to give Sakura-chan. It didn't seem to matter, however, when I spied a gift peeking out of his backpack.

Syaoran hadn't bothered to wrap it, but he didn't need to. It was a wooden sculpture in the shape of a bear. In spite of the strong perfumes of the people around us, I could sniff the distinct scent of cherry blossoms. My guess is that the bear was carved from cherry blossom bark. _How thoughtful_.

We stopped in an area with huge poles carrying banners that read, "Meeting point." With a little subhead, "Passengers only beyond this point." Fujitaka gave Syaoran and me a final look before scooping the two of us in a bear hug whispering, "Thank you for being such good friends to Sakura." He let us go, took the bag of food from Sakura-chan (much to Kero-chan's dismay), and went ahead. Syaoran and I simultaneously turned our attention to the redheaded girl staring at us with hopeful green eyes.

I ran to hug her. She was taken with surprise, but she returned my embrace generously. I heard her sniffle. "Please don't, Sakura-chan." feeling my own eyes starting to water.  She shook her head and motioned me to come closer so she could whisper something to my ear. She tucked several strands of hair behind my ear, hesitated, then whispered "I love you, Tomoyo. Please say you'll be my friend forever." I looked at her, trying to hold my laughter in. There was no need for me to tell her. I just gave her my present.

She unwrapped it and gushed with delight. The jacket was exactly like Syaoran's, except it had a pink teddy bear stitched at the back instead of a yin-yang symbol. "Just thought you might get a little cold in your flight." Her eyes were brimming with happiness--which was immediately replaced with panic. She suddenly moved around her chair frustrated. "I…I…" she looked around some more, rummaging through her pockets and purse. "I don't have anything to give you." She looked at me dejectedly like it was the end of the world. I was about to reply that there was no need when she shushed me and pulled something out of her side pocket. "Here." Her hand clasped around mine. "Its not much, but I'll send you something from Europe to make up for it."

She turned her attention to Syaoran who was nervously fingering his backpack. I turned my back to them, deciding to give them some time of their own. I turned my eyes to my hands and saw a pink bunny eraser, much like the one she had lent me when we were younger. I smiled. Sakura-chan had no idea how important her present was to me. I turned around just in time to see Sakura-chan peck Syaoran on his cheek. He turned beet red and started to murmur something about prophecies and fate.

Touya was obviously not as delighted with the action as Syaoran was, but he let it pass anyway. He had already given Tsukishiro-san a fair amount of a goodbye speech, so it was our turn now. He put his hand on my head and said, "Ask your mom if you can come visit us sometime. We'd love to have you come by." He turned his attention to Syaoran, "that doesn't apply to you, bratty priest." And pulled his eye down. Syaoran was still red, but I couldn't tell if it was from Sakura-chan's kiss or annoyance at Touya. How I wish I hadn't intentionally forgotten my V8 at home.

Touya took the chair from Syaoran (after casting evil looks at one another which sparked electricity between them), and started pushing it to the direction their father went. I followed them with my eyes until they were just a little speck among the crowd, but I knew Sakura-chan had turned around to scream one last time,

"Tomoyo, Syaoran & Sakura- friends forever!"

Syaoran & I held our thumbs-up in unison.

_I shall live forever with you_

~TSUDUKU~

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES (Yay! A chance rant & yap!):

§ This chap didn't turn out as I wanted. This was supposed to be one of my happier chaps, but I guess my writing reflects how I feel. *sigh* Read the fic log, I'll explain it to you guys then. But I _am _sad. =C _"Das Werk lobt den Meister_" –German. "_The work proves the craftsman"_

§ Did Tomoyo seem OOC? I don't know much about CCS to know how they would react to these circumstances *sigh* ah well, PLEASE review! Sure, most fic writers think of reviews as ego-boosters but I… well, they _do_ help but so does constructive criticism. So, PLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE???

§ I can't believe it. I can't believe it! There's _actually_ Saiyuuki here in the Philippines?! Oh, my gosh! I found DVDs of the ovas & REQUIEM even! Wai~ if it wasn't for the fact I was short-budgeted that time… curses…

§ Added new inspiration source: Weiß Kreuz piano solos. It doesn't help much since the piano-playing isn't that 'grand', & that bamboo flute or whatsoever instrument is kind of awkward as vocals, but its fair enough ^^;

§ This song kind of grows on you… the wrong way…-.-'


End file.
